When Muslims are told about scores of horrendous facts contained in the Quran, Sunnah and the Shari’a, they will typical respond as follows:

1.  Accuse the person of lying, ignorance, and of not being proficient enough in Arabic to understand Islam (regardless of the fact that 80% of Muslims don’t know Arabic). Tell him/her to read "authentic" Muslim websites and texts. Say that critics of Islam are "so-called" experts. Say that once people "learn" about the "real" Islam, they will understand how beautiful and peaceful it is.

2.  Accuse the person of racism or Islamophobia (one of the best tactics!). Say he is "filled with hate" (this works really well with Liberals!). Restrict your arguments to a specific subject (how Muslims are persecuted and misunderstood). Generalize a lot. Never suggest that a person examine both sides of the issue (that is, compare arguments from anti-Islamic sites with those from Muslim experts). Never refer to the hate and violence Muslims do. Say that the actions of Muslims have nothing to do with Islam.

3.  Say that the problem is that Muslims today are not practicing the "original Islam" of Mohammed and the glorious era of the "Four Righteous Caliphs" that followed him (Do not mention the hate and violence that Mohammad preached and practiced and do not mention that 3 out of the 4 so-called Righteous Caliphs were murdered by Muslims in a fifty year orgy of conquest, greed, violence and rivalry that ended at the Battle of Kerbala - called the Ashura ─ with Muslims fighting Muslims and the heads of Mohammad's grandson and even infant great-grandson and 70 others being carried in bags as trophies by the victorious Muslim army). Tell them that Islam is really peaceful!

4.  Say that any verse from the Koran that portrays Islam negatively is "being taken out of context". Tell them it doesn't really mean what it says. Also, insist that any tradition that says that Mohammad did very bad things is "weak" or forged, or that it has no isnad (chain of narration) even if it has a long isnad and Muslims constantly quote from this same source.

5.  Tell people that any 'nice' or 'peaceful' (or earlier) verse in the Koran is valid for everywhere and all time. (If they mention the abrogated verses, deny it and move on). Any "kill" and "hate" verse has limited application and can only be understood by an expert or in relation to another verse 56 pages away.

6.  Accuse Christianity and other religions of being "just as bad". Mention the Crusades, Hitler, Timothy McVeigh, Hiroshima.. etc (regardless that these have nothing to do with the teaching of Jesus in the Bible) . Say that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world. Say that Islam is the fastest growing religion on Mars too and the rest of the universe (forget about the prisons).Don't forget to mention that Neil Armstrong heard the azan (the call of Islamic prayer) on the moon and converted to Islam.

7.  Claim that Muslims are unjustly persecuted (never mention 1400 years of jihad against infidels, the treatment of non-Muslims in Islamic societies or current events). Mention the classical era when Islamic societies led the world in science, medicine and philosophy (Do not mention this was 700 years ago and that all of it was based upon ancient Greek works or done by the hated Jews and Christians living in those countries while in Arabia they were still living in tents, raising goats, living on the looting of other countries and robbing caravans.)

8.  Explain that jihad means "inner struggle" (like a diet plan or giving up smoking!) and not "holy war". Tell them that Islam says fighting can only be in self-defense. If they ask about all those raids, explain that Mohammad went on 27 self-defense expeditions, captured a lot of self-defense loot and self-defense slaves and killed a lot of people in self-defense in early morning and night self-defense attacks. He even let his men rape women in self-defense at Banu-Mustaliq. If they question that last statement, suggest that maybe the women accused Mohammad's men of being 'gay' and they had to prove themselves. (Note: It may be wise to work more on this answer!)

9.  If they bring up the many contradictions and errors in the Koran, move quickly to the scientific wonders without being specific (never mind that Muslims never invented anything, and never mention the Grand sheikh Ben Baz of Saudi Arabia's fatwa that whoever says the earth is round is a kaffer, or the fetus is formed of bones first and then covered with skin). Just say with assurance that the greatest scientists of the world confirmed that the scientific wonders revealed in the Koran 1400 years ago, proves that it cannot but be divine. Then throw in a few names from Japan, Germany and America (you can add countries). Don't forget Maurice Bucaille and Roger Garaudy from France (don't say how much they were paid from Saudi Arabia). Also mention the tomato that was cut in half and they found the word Allah engraved inside it, and the tree in Germany with the branches in the form of Allah bowing to the ground towards Mecca. And the European surgeon that was operating on a Muslim and found his Intestine shaped in the form of "Allah" and right away said the Shahada and shouted "Allah Akbar" and converted to Islam. If they ask you the names and references of all these people, just tell them they can search Google and move on. Always remember to move on.    

10.  Blame all current problems in Islamic societies on (choose one or more) the Jews, Christians, the Crusades, the USA, atheism, Israel, colonialism, Hollywood, Bush, the Pope, the Vatican, capitalism, racism, poverty, sexuality, discrimination, translations, the media, the neocons, right-wing radio talk shows, Communism, the Romans, women, Zionists, culture, imperialism, Islamophobes, stereotypes, fascism, the Cold War, the War on Terror, ignorance, education, lack of education, misguided education, despair, lack of hope, the suffering of the Palestinian people, bad hair, cartoons, teddy bears and Bugs Bunny. Stress that Muslims are innocent victims of circumstances, always. Say the US, Europe and West support brutal, corrupt Arab regimes (Do not mention that all regimes in Muslim Middle East are undemocratic, brutal and corrupt.)

11.  Say that Islam "protects and honors" women. Say, "Islam has given women all her rights". Point out the immorality in Western culture. Say that most of the people that convert to Islam are women, even Britney Spears may convert soon. (Never talk about what the Quran and hadith say about women, except for four specific verses, and do not mention that Mohammad himself said women are "deficient in intelligence" and beat his wife.) If they talk about the status of Muslim women everywhere, especially honor killings, stoning, say that it is because Muslims do not follow Islam. Tell them it is "cultural".

12.  Say that a small minority of extremists has hijacked Islam, and they are not 'real' Muslims. Explain that just because a person says the shahada (profession of faith), observes the Five Pillars of Islam, goes to the mosque every Friday, has memorized half of the Quran, wears a beard, and is named "Mohammad" or even being the Imam in a mosque - this does not mean that he is a "real" Muslim. (Suggest that the terrorist― who knows?― may really be a Scientologist, a Presbyterian, a Rotarian or even a vile Jew pretending to be a Muslim.) Oh yes, if Muslims are ever hateful or violent, say that they are being 'used' and 'manipulated' by (see list in #9 of candidates) and anything that Muslims do was caused by the interference of (pick another name from item #9). This is a good time to bring up Uncle Benny and say he was created in a CIA lab (Use the name "Bin Laden" which is what infidels call him.)

13.  If the person brings up issues relating to words and actions of Mohammad, say that you are offended. Say that we should not apply contemporary standards of morality and conduct to the teachings of the 'eternal' Quran and the actions of Islam's prophet. Say that Mohammad was "a mercy for all mankind". If he/she continues to ask about those deeds, make a few threats. Another tactic is to ask the person to draw a picture of Mohammad on an old piece of paper, then say you are offended and attack the vile kafir infidel!

14.  Use a lot of cute Arabic words to confuse the person. It also makes the Muslim seem smarter and/or an expert on Islam. See tip #2 above.

15.  Quote the verse "who kills a single person, it is as if he killed all of mankind" to prove how peaceful Islam really is (Do not mention that the phrase is incomplete and you have omitted the first five words and the end of it.)

16.  Once again, remember that Muslims "are the best of people" and Mohammad is a "Mercy for all mankind". Keep thinking this. Never doubt; never question. If there is an issue it must be understood in light of these two sacred and eternal truths. Don't let facts get in the way of feelings. If something appears to be wrong or bad, it can only be a conspiracy or a misunderstanding. There must be an explanation even if it is weird, really weird. The problem cannot be Islam's fault so it must be the work of (insert name of evil non-Muslim group here). Explain that the rules of conduct that Muslims demand for others do not apply to Islam, because it is "special".

17.  Don't forget to tell them  that Jesus, Mose, Abraham, Adam, and even Zul Qarnein (Alexander the Great) were all Muslims (never mind that Mohammad said he's the first Muslim). The corrupted bible... Never forget the corrupted bible. If they ask for proof, tell them even the Pope and all the Christian scholars knows it and they're hiding it. Ask them right away where is the original book revealed to Jesus, and say that's why Allah sent the Koran to our illiterate prophet and promised to protect it. If they ask you why he couldn't protect the bible, move on  to where Jesus said in the bible that He is God, and how come God dies? keep the pressure with the usual questions to stay away from the Koran.

18.  If all else fails, assume a zombie-like attitude and start saying the Qanoot-e-Naazilah prayer in a low, intense voice (in Arabic!). Hiss a little between lines. Let the infidel know you are more than just a little crazy. If you have a knife, take it out and start testing the blade with your thumb. Roll your eyes, foam at the mouth (twitching is good, too!). Stand up suddenly and start yelling "Allah Akbar". Do this ten times as loud as possible: and you have won the argument!

19.  Not to forget, if they bring up that Mohammad molested a six year old baby girl, say it was a lawful marriage, and in hot countries girls ripen faster. Then bring up the child molester priests (regardless that those priests were tried, convicted and put behind bars).

20.  If this debate is taking place in a chat room online, send someone to flood the text and hack the room. Announce the crushing defeat of the kaffers all over the Islamic sites (you can say that some of them converted to Islam at the end of the debate), it's always good for the moral of the brothers and sisters. Jazzak Allah khairan Akhi wa ja'alaho fee mizan hassanatak ensha'Allah..